9 April 2016
To whom it may concern
Re: Chicken anatomy
3 April 2016
Me: Hey, if you ordered a three-pack of Wicked Wings and got two legs and a wing - would you say something about it?
My mate: Yeah, I would.
Me (in my head): Hmmm, I will.
Hi, my name is Regan Beckett and this will be the second time I have written to you (well, maybe not you as such – I mean KFC).
You will be pleased to know, however, that this is not a complaint like last time – more a lesson in chicken anatomy for those who work at the Napier branch.
You see, on April 2, I braved the bad service I always get at the Napier branch and ordered a Zinger Burger with a three-pack of chicken wings (I did not order a drink – which, one time, according to one of the staff members, meant I could not receive Potato and Gravy)
The man who took my order simply walked away without a word and left me wondering whether he had actually heard or even seen me. I also wondered whether I could get away with not paying by Eftpos if I kept quiet.
Anyway – I now know that the staff member was simply concentrating on his job and what my order entailed. Unfortunately, he didn’t consult the “Colonel Sanders Basic Guide to Chicken Anatomy” poster and gave me two chicken legs and a single wing. At least his math was up to scratch. Unlike mine…I am the type of mathematician who puts two and two together and comes up with the band Toto.
You may be wondering why I did not say something at the time…well, I must admit that I ate the legs before it registered when I got to the wing. My excuse is that I’d been drinking, unlike, hopefully, your employee. Not the best of excuses I know – however an honest one.
I have attached a photograph of an angry chicken that does not like to have its photograph taken that you may wish to show employees of the Napier branch who may not know the bits and pieces of a chicken.
I have added some helpful pointers.
I hope I have got them right; Wikipedia may have put me wrong.
Well, I think that’s about all – except to also say that during my long wait I could have scavenged a feed off the floor that looked like it either hadn’t been seen to for a year or was a deliberate attempt at attracting vermin away from the equally messy looking kitchen area floor.
I’m sure I also grew a moustache too while I waited…however I may have gotten myself confused between a man with a moustache and me. I don’t know – I’d been drinking.
Oh, and I could have got away without paying too – lucky I’m an honest man.
Anyway – can you please see to it that when wings are ordered, they are received? Mind you, the legs were just as nice. Unless they may have come from a mouse….
Regan L. Beckett
027 441 3505
In memory of Jose Martines: 7 June 1963 – 4 April 2016
Pecked to death in the line of duty photographing an angry chicken